Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 

Baby Gabriel now has eyebrows. Or at least the beginning of eyebrows, which is an improvement on his inherent and total lack of eyebrows when Mel & I last saw him.

In other news, the new seasonal kiosk in the mall has finally arrived. Instead of us selling debatably kitch/filler presents, we are now presenting onlookers with a wide variey of scarves, mittens and hats that resemble a bunch of skinned Muppets. Well...in all honesty, we only have half a kiosk selling Muppet-skin winterwear. We're still waiting for the rest our merchandise to arrive, so the other half of the kiosk is pleasantly void of anything.

And what, might you ask, would make my pleasure in this new kiosk complete? My answer is simple: the curtain and its track, a jerry can of gasoline, a match, five minutes and an alibi. Now I don't want to gripe. Far be it from me to sound like I'm whining, but I always thought that when they put together these kiosks, they would...you know....actually assemble it correctly. But it appears we have that special "not allowed to play with edged paper" sort of kiosk. In short, there are parts of the track not connected to the kiosk frame, the curtain won't line up with the border of the kiosk, there's a screwhead in the track preventing any part of the curtain from moving past it, and there are gaps in the track large enough for the curtain rollers to actually fall through.

I suppose I should be thankful, though: from the sounds of it, the same guy who put our kiosk together also tried to assemble another one in a different mall. And that kiosk was not only put in crooked, but also put in the completely wrong place.


Today's Lesson: prioritize. Put together a kiosk, and then get drunk. While doing it in the reverse order will make things interesting, it will also make employees homocidal.



posted by Phillip at 9:22 PM

 

For some reason, when I woke up this morning, the entire right side of my ass was uncomfortably sore. While I can attribute it to having endured somewhat cramped sleeping quarters last night (thank you Shady for taking up more of the bed than I'd think possible for a small dog), I am still bemused at how it's only the right side that's suffering. No full ass, no left-and-right. My pain is only half-assed.

As a result, I feel asymmetrical somehow. My ass has become lopsided. Whenever I clench my buttocks (ah, revel in the visuals! Or reel, whatever works for you.), the one side feels as if it's been tenderized the way a punching bag must feel after a boxer's had a go at it for ten minutes. It will probably take a day or two for the right side of my ass to heal.

In the meantime, though, I say to the masses born of the Age of Enlightenment and Reason: why can't science have it's useless avenues like everything else? I want to know about the effects of country music on suicide, and whether the 5-second rule is truly sanitary, and that herrings apparently communicate by farting!

And you can too, now: http://www.improb.com/ig/ig-top.html

Today's Lesson: pigeons will be instinctively attracted to any statue--except for a bronze statue located in Kanazawa, Japan.




posted by Phillip at 8:23 AM

 

A few nights ago, the gaggle of us poor sots spending our working hours trapped in a store filled with heavier-than-thou luggage, recently messed-up (again) winterwear and "oh dear god who thought that shade of regurgitated lima bean green looked good?!" purses, decided to commiserate by going out for a night of bowling. In light of that night, Today's lesson might as well be: 5-pin bowling is harder than it looks. I could be technical and say that the 5-pin bowling balls are overall lighter, and so they gain more of a side-spin when you launch them. Or I could be honest and saw my piffly arms have no real muscle mass on them, and by the second 10-frame game, my poor biceps had all the power of soggy ravioli.

Speaking of playing with balls, courtesy of Pesti-chan, the Word of the Day is: Innuendo! (That, or else "double entendre", deliberate or otherwise.)

http://rainbow.arch.scriptmania.com/rainbow_tv_episode.html

Anyhoo, back to the bowling, it was a truly a time of comraderie. Unless you count the first game, where I decisively beat the pants off of everyone else. And unless you also count the second game, where everyone else decisively beat the pants off me in what became known as the "I don't care who wins, someone just beat the pants off Phil!" game, where I got the worst score of the gaggle. Again, refer two paragraphs up to my soggy ravioli-biceps. (Mel won game 2, incidentally.)

You know, in light of the Rainbow TV link and the word of the day, perhaps I should rephrase the whole "beating their pants off" thing. Naaaaah....

And remember: just like Rainbow TV says, it's fun to bang away all night with your friends, just so long as you don't break their plucking instruments.


posted by Phillip at 7:06 AM

 

Some days you don't have a lot to write about. Some days you're just too tired to write. Some days you're just too tired to even care. And some days, you're not exactly sure whether or not people want to hear about how little baby Gabriel seems to have this uncontrollable urge to fart incessantly whenever he's in my arms. Sure, one time be balanced it out by sneezing all over me, but it's a little disturbing to see him burbling away in either Mel or Donna's arms, and then the second he gets handed to me, he makes a noise that I can only hope is flatulence. And it's constant at that, a nigh-incessant barrage of rude noises I could never get away with making in public. Then again, I'm not small, wrinkly and in need of a diaper changing every few hours.

In other news, provided we're allowed to and my co-workers finance the venture, I'm going to be dressing up at work on Halloween as 70's Elton John, complete with the large shades and extreme suits.

And I think that should I ever start a production company, I'm going to name it OMGWTFBBQ Productions. If anything it would be amusing to be interviewed and have someone ask me what that means...especially if it's for television. Get out the censor, it's time for a bleeping!

Today's Lesson: a hiatus can sometimes be a good thing, so long as you're still energetic about going back to whatever it was you were doing beforehand.


posted by Phillip at 5:38 PM